A letter to Blockbuster

April 27th, 2011

RedBlue 3D

To whom it may concern at Blockbuster,

I recently bought a pair of your 3D paper eye glasses because it has come to my attention that pornography is now made exclusively in red and blue 3D. I tried it, I didn’t like it for the most part, and now I want my money back.

They say that pornography will make you go blind. That couldn’t have been further from the truth until 3D came along (which, in my opinion, must stand for “Devil Devil Devil”). These red and blue paper-framed eye glasses confuse the brain. One eye is seeing hot red hell while the other is seeing beneath the sea’s surface: a cold, dark and blueish world. This juxtaposition of ocular moods disorients the wearer to such a degree that I am truly worried for my sight. Watching pornography (with 3D glasses) will make you go blind. I am convinced. My head still hurts.

Please find enclosed my pair of blindness inducers. I expect some form of recompense from Blockbuster. The warning on the glasses reads “not for extended wear”. “Never wear” is more like it.

I am thinking about switching to Netflix as well,

Matt Raudsepp

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