A letter to Feather Industries

August 17th, 2011


“Down-town Toronto! Do away with bad sleep: duvet with good sleep. Don’t put down down. Get down with down, down-town Toronto!”

I’ve got about a hundred other slogans and ad copy for you guys. But, here’s the thing, in order to gain access to my golden notebook I’m going to have to see some proof that your product is, in fact, the cream of the duck crop – that it’s primo stuff. Send me a small unmarked package of your finest, whitest fluff. I need a sample. But, if it’s as good as my associate says it is, think of this as a simple formality.

A little baggy of duck feathers is all I ask. And in return, you’ll get a book full of down-town gems like this: “I love down so much I’ve been diagnosed with down syndrome!” (The ad could feature a smiling picture of my cousin Ronnie).

Please mail your duck fluff to [...]

I am one hundred percent serious… I have a book full of duvet and down puns that are waiting to spread their wings and warm some hearts.

Thank you in advance, you won’t regret it!

Eternally yours,

Matthew Raudsepp

Check out their state of the art website (complete with FREE pictures of water fowl and sundry fauna for you to download and use as desktop wallpaper, low-resolution only!): www.featherind.com

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