A letter to Fred & Friends

May 14th, 2011

Cactus Pen

Dear Fred (and your innumerable friends),

I have owned your cactus pen for the last eight years. It has served me well. When other pens dry up, the cactus pen is always ready and gushing with ink. When my creativity dries up, the cactus pen is always ready (to take my mind off of writer’s block).

However, it is with a heavy heart that I write you with the news that my cactus pen has finally bit the dust and dried up. What frustrates me is that it’s a cactus! You’re not supposed to have to “water” it, it should have reserves of ink stored until the next downpour, no? What the hell?!

I loved that pen. What am I supposed to do now? I have never been good with plants, so I have real cacti. They are still alive as you read this (and I NEVER water them). I make it a point to see how long those suckers will last — longer than your pen, I can tell you that much.

Please send a refill cartridge. I have nothing left to say, my words have become like the husk of a dehydrated cactus: dry, dry, oh so very dry.

I remain yours, Fred, if only I receive the gift of a re-animated cactus pen,

Matthew Raudsepp

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