Bird Bait

April 4th, 2011

Can we agree that hot air balloons are lame-ass?
Picture this: an F-14 Tomcat screams through the sky at the speed of sound, launching missiles out of a barrel roll and blowing up a school, all while your wingman flips-off the Russians.  
Now picture this: standing in a field for a half hour as your balloon inflates, then being incapable of steering or traveling faster than the breeze. You are a floating picnic in a wicker basket, completely vulnerable to any bird of prey, kid with a bb gun, or minor change in wind direction.

Ways to make hot air ballooning worthwhile:
-Attach Missiles.
-Tie thirty or more hot air balloons together and attach them to the top of the Statue of Liberty to turn her into a carnival balloon saleswoman.
-Perform all future hangings from the bottom of the basket and set a strong, floating example for criminals.
-Teach birds a lesson and bring the pain to the skies by attaching giant rotating blades that double as propulsion and avian abolishers.

Kyle “At Least The Hindenburg Had Wow Factor” Gatehouse

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