Cannibal Lecture

May 26th, 2011

Imagine you’re sitting down at a second-rate restaurant, scrolling the menu for something halfway decent to eat. Illustrations of what looks like dog food adorn the menus edges. The young curvy waitress comes by to fill up your cup of water, “Have you decided?” She waddles away as you shake your head, and that’s when it hits you: she’s the tastiest thing in this joint.

We can no longer deny it. We can’t keep convincing ourselves that these are psychopathic or primitive urges. Some people are downright delectable. In fact, in recent past, an organic cannibalism movement has started gaining ground; the argument being that grain-fed vegans and vegetarians would ironically make the best meats. But I am not convinced. I’m imagining myself nibbling on Meg Ryan’s stringy stems or Alanis Morisette’s jagged little pancreas.

But when is it feasible to eat a corpse? What kind of death invites a carcass collation. Besides murder and the no-nonsense snowy-mountain scenario, where could you find a body worth munching? The person should be young, preferably tender. A potentially delicious co-worker of mine died of cancer, rendering it all but inedible. In my view, the ideal scenario is SIDS, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or crib death. A terrible tragedy, but sorrow and heartache should not get in the way of a wonderful meal.

Enjoy!

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1 Comment

Derek
May 29, 2011
OMG did you really just say that?