Pee Pee Pince-Nez, The Bridge Tickler

January 2nd, 2011

Getting hit with a squash ball from behind is fucking terrible. 

Kyle “Yeah Right It Was An Accident, Matt” Gatehouse


Apologies to Mr. Harvey Hubbell

December 30th, 2010

Here you’ll find a beautiful piece that would elevate your gallery from “merely unremarkable” to “queerly remarkable”.

Coupled with the three stunning works preceding it, and the forty six to follow, this daring work will make your gallery the envy of the art world.
Hanging Things Tip: Position the frame directly above an actual electrical outlet for maximum art effect.

Kyle “Thinking About Boxes, Inside and Out” Gatehouse


Wee Willy Steam Whistle

December 27th, 2010

Many believe kettles to be one of the earliest metal cooking utensils in human history. 
Better put this in a museum!

Kyle “My Favourite Is Golden Sail Brand Lichee Black Tea” Gatehouse


Nathaniel Baldwin’s Kitchen

December 24th, 2010

Listen, it may sound pretty flaky, but Yucatecan Trance Inducing Beats really work. Though, like all induction exercises, they require the participant’s willing cooperation.

Oh boy, was I willing.
Imagine this sweet deal: a steady, two hundred and ten beats per minute droning right into your eardrums for thirty minutes.
After three minutes you’re thinking it couldn’t get any worse, then three more minutes pound by and you think you’ve had enough, but no, something has changed. You need those beats. They feed you. They are the gateway to your Inner Self, your Astral Plane, your Spirit Journey.
I freaked out on those beats. The room melted away and I was left a quivering, naked essence, open to all that the universe had to give. I was everywhere and nowhere, an open door to infinite. My soul spiralled outward in ever greater arcs of pure white knowledge, a searing meteor of wonder burning through time and space. I was complete!

…then my roommates came home and I went to sleep.

Thursday nights, “you just gotta have fun”. 

Kyle “No One Cares About This Shit” Gatehouse


Flaccid Fallacies

December 17th, 2010

Embark with me on a journey. Fifty works of art in twenty-five weeks. Fifty flaccies, fifty inanimate objects, countless (fifty) breathtaking artistic visions. 
Once I hit the fifty mark, I will put a package together and submit my series to every museum in the world.
I will post every rejection letter, every heartfelt thank you note, every marriage proposal. 
When my exhibit is finally ready (probably at the Louvre) we will all take a trip and have a crazy, life-changing party.  
Pull up your socks, folks. This is going to get serious.

Kyle “You Knew Him When” Gatehouse

p.s. Expect updates Mondays and Fridays (soon to be known as “God’s Days”).

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