Cock, A Doodle

June 10th, 2011

Kentucky Fried Chicken gets a bad rap. 
PETA regularly protests their franchise locations and head office because their chicken is purchased from inhumane breeding farms. 
The sodium levels in the Double Down sandwich alone easily exceed Health Canada’s recommended daily intake.
Even the Pope has publicly condemned KFC for eroticizing the otherwise wholesome activity of a family chicken dinner (“too much finger lickin’”).

But KFC wasn’t always a sordid, salty mess of sex scandals and sodium stockpiles.

It turns out Colonel Sanders was a punk rock badass with a heart of fried gold!

“That friggin’ … outfit …. They prostituted every goddamn thing I had. I had the greatest gravy in the world and those sons of bitches– they dragged it out and extended it and watered it down that I’m so goddamn mad!” 
-Colenel Sanders, 1964, following his buyout by new owners who skimped on recipes to cut costs.

Heublein Inc. unsuccessfully sued Sanders for libel after he publicly referred to their gravy as “sludge” with a “wallpaper taste”.

So here’s to the Colonel, who created an institution that will forever be associated with an offensive black stereotype.

Yours,
Kyle “Rooster Roaster” Gatehouse

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2 Comments

Derek
Jul 21, 2011
It's a cock cock
 
sam
Jun 28, 2011
you have a cock-a-diddle