Eating with Envy

March 3rd, 2011

It is an inexplicable phenomenon, but great food just tastes better when eaten in front of others. That combination of envy and self-satisfaction enhances the flavours and invigorates the tastebuds. But it also means potentially having to share your snacks, divy them up or parcel them out. You take the time and effort to bake your famous mayan chocolate cupcakes, you want to enjoy them in peace, but still bask in everyone’s jealousy without having to give any of them away. How can this be effectively achieved? By grossing everyone out.  Here are some clever solutions to turn people on, while siumltaneously turning them off: 

Band-aids. Cover your hands with band-aids and make sure to get the frabric ones, they really soak in the dirt and fray beautifully. Then, you can happyily offer up your cupcakes, making sure to handle the food with your band-aided digits.

Hair. You have several options with this tactic. If it’s a baked item, you can actually bake a strand of hair into the dessert. Bake one really long one and make sure it sticks out generously while baking, so that won’t be missed and accidentally ingested. Or, with a little practice, this unsightly maneuver can be pantomimed.

Dry-heaving. Nothing disturbs on-lookers more than very nearly throwing up while eating.

Other ideas include, flossing your teeth between bites, clipping your toenails while eating, excavating the gunk from your belly button. Basically any hygene-related activity that only you can tolerate. Enjoy!

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Mar 03, 2011
Real life chuckle.
Mar 03, 2011
You are a sneaky one.