For the Asian inside all of our Moms

May 5th, 2011

How many times have you surprised your mom with a boring old breakfast for Mother’s day? More bacon and eggs. Or a batch of soggy, undercooked waffles, doused in powdered sugar to cover your mistakes. Or some half-assed blueberry pancakes, where the berries have burst and dyed your batch blue, having obviously forgotten what you learned in Home-Ec. This year, try something different for Mother’s day, something alien and mysterious. Try something Asian.

Asians have a flair for the dramatic. Where else can you go and watch your chef prepare your food a few feet away, tossing and juggling knifes as sharp as his wit. With enough practice, you too can perform for your Mom this Mother’s day. Bring a chair close to the stove or barbecue and whiz sharpened blades toward her face. Then make her laugh uproariously with your dead-on Asian accent, courtesy of the International Dialect of English language Archive (IDEA).

Nyotaimori sushi or Body Sushi is hotter than ever. In chintzy restaurants and shoddy bachelor parties all over the world, people are serving your rolls atop and around the nipples, breasts, pits and pubes of some young Asian woman. What better way to celebrate Mother’s day than to strip down to your birthday suit and enlist your siblings or your dad to cover you with sushi? Make it a mother’s day she won’t soon forget by serving her raw fish draped over your penis.

In New York this year, Indonesian and Malaysian cuisines are getting a lot of attention. Introduce these exotic dishes into your home this Mother’s day. Start off with a hearty xiao long bao, and then serve up a delicious Ayam Taliwang, or maybe Bakwan Malang, or a Cakalang Fufu. Strong flavors of belecan and kecap manis abound! Hmm.


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Aug 13, 2015
This is a really innlteigelt way to answer the question.
May 06, 2011
There we go. Tender, yet vulgar.