Vampenis Bat

August 16th, 2011

Bats are the only mammals capable of true, sustained flight.

What’s that you say? “But Kyle, as handsome as you are, I think you’ve forgotten about the Flying Squirrel!”
Not so! While you do have a keen eye for identifying good looks, your ability to differentiate between flying and gliding is painfully poor!
The so called “Flying” Squirrel is but a flea-ridden charlatan, who’s pathetic attempts at flight are nothing more than embarrassing displays of delayed free fall. Where the graceful bat has achieved a perfect mastery of flight, the “Faking” Squirrel lives on borrowed time, gliding around his filthy home on the back of a hastily scrawled I.O.U. written by a begrudging gravity.

INTERESTING BAT FACTS:
-Vampire bats are the only mammalian parasite. 
-Twenty percent of all mammals are bats. 
-Bats dont actually flap their entire forelimbs, as birds do, but instead flap their spread out digits. They tickle the air with their long, creepy fingers, like some leathery pervert diddling his way through the sky. 

Yours,
Kyle “Go Fuck Yourselves, Flying Squirrels” Gatehouse

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1 Comment

LINDA
Aug 16, 2011
They must be masterful fliers with that extra weight on their backs...they tickle the air .... love that